Dream a little darker

The world lies. The world tells us we are products of our environment; we will never become anything more than our environment allows. We like this - the idea that underachievement isn't our fault is appealing. It's also wrong. The world lies to us, but the world can't take our dreams by force. People without dreams are people who have let the world rob them.

Dreams are good for the soul. A man can never be any more than he dreams, but is quite often less if he's not prepared to believe in his dreams. Dreams are the nexus where the real meets the possible. Live a dream, and the world cannot stop you. Dreams control the world.

If our dreams control reality, what kinds of dreams should we pursue? The idealist's dream is always flawed, but the realist's dream is usually small. A dream to help will be met with opposition, but a dream to destroy will likely reach fruition. Should we then dream for the ideal, and find a way to make Heaven on Earth? Surely this is doomed to failure. Hell on Earth, however, has been achieved repetitively throughout history.

So should we dream a little darker, and lay to rest the noble cause? I'll dream a little larger, and stand proud even in defeat.

Dreams

Dreams come in two sizes: big (and distant) and little (hence close). Both are essential. The big dreams define a person's life, what their interests are and where their heart lies. The small dreams are the immediately achievable ones, the ones that keep them going from day to day.

With no big dreams, people just wander aimlessly through life. They pop up here and there, but never grow roots and never grow in any one direction for long enough. Someone with big dreams is goal driven, and when a point of potential aimlessness and uprooting comes along they'll know what to choose.

With no small dreams, it's difficult to get up in the mornings. The impetus of the larger vision wears off as weeks turn into months, and months into years. Small dreams, small goals, are essential to keep moving forwards and keep faith in the larger goal. small dreams make the big ones possible.

Accordingly, I have two dreams: a big one, and a small one. I hope to have more smaller dreams. My small dream is to see my entire physics class saved (there's less than 20 of us, 4 of us are already christians and actively praying/encouraging the others). That would be really cool, and a powerful witness to people at uni.

The large one.... is both more complex and less clear. It's an ideal that I am fleshing out as I gain experience and understanding. I want to reach the tech generation, the kids who frequent interent cafes, who watch anime, who program and spend their lives playing games. Many of them are outcast in this society, where coolness and acceptance are gained through sports. Many spend their lives on the internet in search of kindred spirits because they hurt, or because they hate their "real" lives. Many are well adjusted, but their lives are empty and meaningless without God.

I envision something halfway between a coffee lounge and an internet cafe, a place to relax after school and watch videos, or play with computers or video consoles. A place staffed by strong Christians from a similar background, who can lead by example, mentor the kinds and help them grow. The particulars, the money and the location are still unknowns in the equation, but this is a dream given to me by God. I like to think of it as "xhack".

Though there's pain in the offering.

How do I know if I like a woman as more than a friend? When does friendship go that extra step? How close is love to friendship? I know some awesome women who I'm close to, we have a lot of fun but... I thought there'd be something more. Something special. I love them dearly, they're great friends all the time. It's hard to separate friendship from love from Love. Which is it I feel? I don't know.

Maybe I'll be trapped in this limbo forever, a small part of my heart aching for that closeness until the day I die. I can live without it, I have God. What's difficult is living with such great friends and not being able to define my feelings towards them. In this situation, I can't even choose. Does that mean they're just friends? Does that define it for me?

Inside I know it doesn't. I can't choose, and God hasn't shown me the way. So I'll wait on Him. I'll be patient, even though there's an ache that never leaves - the longing to have complete safety in love. As I said, I have God's love and there is absolute safety in that - a relationship is not necessary to me. Sometimes, though, I need to collapse and have a physical shoulder to cry on.

Here I stand, waiting, hoping. Nothing happens, of course, and the tear in my soul continues to bleed. Am I not ready? What am I missing? I pray for maturity, for growth and for preparation if I'm not ready. I seek God and thank Him, even in exhaustion. Every day, I wake hoping that God will start something new moving in my life.

God did. I don't fear pain, and I don't even fear loneliness and rejection. God is all I need. He has given me strength, and vision for the future. I still lack a lot, I have so much to learn. I know I'm not deserving, but why can't I be ready? How much bigger can I get on my own? How much can I grow without knowing something of the love and devotion that God has for me?

Please give me an answer, where is She in all of this God?

more practical advice for shakers and movers

Always believe you are better than you are. Undervaluing yourself results in underachievement, but overvaluing yourself forces you to rise to the level of your own standards. not believing you can do something is equivalent to failing. Don't leave any doubt in your mind. Evict the doubts, do not even counter them. The only way to defeat doubt is not to allow it at all.

Speak out, give your opinions and thoughts because often they're important, but more importantly they encourage others to open up and contribute. At the same time, examine your motives in speaking up. Speaking for the sake of it will not be productive. Speaking for attention and confirmation by others is similarly pointless. Speak for the benefit of others or not at all.

Prepare yourself. Prayer and preparation of the heart, mind and attitude is a key to changing the drudgery of everyday life to a living adventure. Your attitudes will flow into those around you, so a good attitude can be worth much more than words of wisdom.

To change the world

You can't change the world with something from the world, this world resists change and everything wants to revert to its old course. Nothing of this world will make a difference, in the end. The man who would change the world must derive his inspiration from somewhere else. To bring change, your life must be a testament to the power of that change. No one will follow a man whose life does not reflect his mouth. God is the only place to draw upon this world changing power, and God's power is not limited to any part of life.

Someone who can draw on God's power effectively will shine out in a crowd who work for their own selfish desires. Someone who draws their purpose from God has no need for acceptance, and no fear of opinion - God's purpose is validation in itself. Great men throughout history show that this validation is a foundation for influencing and leading others (Look at Churchill, Columbus, Christ, etc).

A world changer must also have a vision. A vision is like a flag for men to rally to; it shines out and gives them the courage to go on. The vision cannot be small, a small vision leads to a weak impact on the world. Even if the vision is unlikely, half the magic is that the seemingly impossible is overcome.

Lastly (for now) a world changer must have an enormous capacity for growth. A large dream will quickly outgrow a small leader, but a man who hungers to grow will only draw strength from the increasing pressures. Any man who thinks he knows enough about anything cannot lead effectively; conversely a man who is too afraid to share his wisdom cannot be enriched.

forged in suffering, perfect in weakness, fuelled by love.

my mind is just blown away right now. Over the past month or two I've just experienced the most amazing growth in every area of my life. My capacity to handle stress, my social skills, my confidence.... it's like I've just been given the keys to a hotrod or something.

I'm changing and I can feel it in a big way, on a daily basis. It's like emerging from a chryssalis and discovering you have wings. I can't wait till I can fly. This growth isn't something random, or something overbearing. It's something I needed, and something I asked God for. I couldn't live with being a shadow any more, I have to be everything I can be and the only way I can be that is through God.

This growth hasn't sprung from outside factors or pressures, hasn't come from depression or even a desire to better myself. I'm going to change the world, and God is going to show me the way to do it. That's a powerful revelation, and a vision that drives me forwards daily. How can anyone be unhappy when they have a destiny that big?

I see other people around me now, people who were like I was. They still desperately crave the acceptance of others, not realising that it's themselves they can't accept. It's sad, because they know God but they don't know God's heart. It's not acceptance from others you need, it's confidence that you yourself can become someone great that you need, and that confidence can only come from God.

I thought most of this transformation was internal, that people didn't really notice and that on the outside I was changing slowly. Tonight, one of my friends told me he was really impressed by how much I'd grown in God over the past 4 weeks. I was pretty shocked, and I still am. That someone noticed the change was exciting and encouraging. That they noticed the cause, that was something special.

So here I am, waiting for my wings to unfold. I can't go forwards under my own power; I'm completely dependant on God. I never want to go back to who I was, living in this new knowledge of God is just incredible.