Know It Will

If you saw what I saw, and if you knew what I knew, would you shout it out or wrap it up? A thousand futures; a thousand incidents; every work glorious; every person being forged. The crazy, the insane, the great, the unimaginable. Dismiss it as imagination, until it comes to pass. Dismiss it as coincidence, until He proves you wrong.

Ask and it will be given; seek and you shall receive; knock and the door will be opened; Abundantly, immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine. Say it. Ask it. Know it will happen. There is no stopping a power older than time, and there is no holding back a love older than the human race.

They act surprised - they bring a report of rain. I know. I asked. It was His will that we should shine. So now the impossible has been unleashed, who am I to say I can't? I won't - or will I? What power is at work in me that my words have come to pass? I cannot change the future any more than I can change the sun. Yet the words of my mouth speak testimony to one with that power.

Do you want it? Are you ready? Do you know it yet? It is coming. The flood is coming. Prepare for a storm, because the armies are training for war. If you are not in that army, you'll be swept aside. The cries of the fallen reach me even now...

Prepare, for the day of the Lord is at hand! We will march and retake what was lost! We will break the cages and smash the shackles! Train, because you will be called upon to do these things.

The Largest Lack

It seems funny to me, that a race which criticizes itself so much for being imperfect struggles so hard to achieve perfection. why do we find new failings in old character traits? I am worlds away from who I was last year, but if anything I feel even further from perfection!

Just as Moses, we see the flaws and try to correct them ourselves. Just as Moses, we fail in our own strength because we are not ready. Just as Moses, we run away from the problem in frustration and fear, overwhelmed. Just as Moses we wander in a desert place, until finally a character trait has been strengthened. Then, just as Moses, God meets us and brings us back to our purpose.

All along, of course, we are venting our anger and frustration at not being 'ready' already. I think, maybe, we could learn to be more like Joshua, or David.

Take Joshua: told he was to enter the promised land, wandered another 40 years or so in the desert. Did so faithfully. Spent more time that anyone else in God's presence - Moses would go back to his tent, but Joshua would sit there. 40 years later, leads God's people into the promised land. God tells him repeatedly, "Be courageous," and then tells him to march around a city for a week and blow trumpets. He simply does so.

Look at David - shepherd boy from nowhere, gets anointed to be the king, spends his life tending sheep and singing songs. Then some giant makes him righteously angry, gets promised the king's daughter and goes off to be a general. Spends several years running from the jealous king, refusing to touch him because of his integrity before God. And we complain that it's hard to get out of bed in the mornings!

so now I strive to be like Joshua. I try to be patient, and spend my time in the presence of the Lord. There's no substitute for it, and no preparation like it. Let's hope I can do it more often, before my failings destroy me :-)

Breaking Pain

Why must I live in a land of constant pain? I was praying this morning, and He said, "You are not doing what you are supposed to be doing." A stream of images and feelings washed across me. I'm living life my way, not His way. Everyone else sees me living life His way, because they don't know what He wants.

I am a miracle man - it is by a miracle that I live fully. If not for the miracle, I would have been emotionally crippled for life. I would never have known inner joy, inner pride, a confidence in myself - well, not myself but the one who lives in me, or a satisfaction with my life. I would never have worked this hard - working this hard requires the knowledge that you owe your life to the one you work for.

So now that I know the pain, and I know that the miracle brings life and that life is fulfilled in God, I know equally well that I have become the miracle. In God, I am the miracle for peoples' lives. I am the one who brings healing, the one who brings abundant life. Through that first miracle, He has charged me to be His herald of miracles.

I can do it because I know it. I can do it because the fire that runs through my body aches to set people free. I can do it because doubt is so small. This is why I was called, and this is why I am here.

If people think that I am in His will right now, they are so very wrong. I am struggling to keep up. I need a whole new level of personal confidence and skills. I need a whole new level of filling with God. I keep saying this, but I don't know what it means. Do I just go out there and do it? Last time, that hurt so terribly...

I know what I am supposed to be doing, and I don't want to be too scared! I just don't know how to overcome the fears in me, and I don't know how to live on that edge. Sometimes, I wish there was a life bootcamp where they prepared you for every possibility...

Those Eyes

I look in the mirror and see a pair of eyes that seem to swallow the world. They are alive, alert, inquisitive. But they carry a slight sadness. A sadness that has seen too much of death. There is a longing in those eyes - I can see that they look straight through me, right into eternity. Those eyes are set on something no other man can see...

And then I'm brought back to the sadness. I smile - I try to make them happy. They stay fixed, calm, and alert. Those eyes aren't smiling. I know what visions torment them. I know what disturbs their peace. It is difficult to live with the promise of incredible joy just over the horizon; I know it's there, but there is no evidence to reassure me. It is more difficult to know that the torments I suffer hold the keys to that joy.

How I wish this was over. Yet I know it must continue. I know there is only one way to change this world. I know there is only one way to move mountains. Sometimes I'd like someone to run this race with. Sometimes I want to share those secret pains that will never be written down. Writing them down would be trapping my soul on the bits of this screen.

Before the web closes

Before the web closes, I must make my statement. I must write down for myself the visions I've seen. If I don't, I know they'll fade to unreality. The enemy's web will not snare my dreams again!

I see myself in a white button-up shirt of thicker material - slightly ragged at the edges. I'm standing in front of them, proclaiming things I do not yet know. My arm is outstretched, as if reaching for that I communicate, or maybe to impart. It's that concrete building - the yellow one. The rows of faces fade back into the darkness, just as the visions of before. But it's the yellow building now; I know! It will come to pass, even if I recognise scars on that man's soul I will not enjoy walking through. He is me, but he's hit a hard road and walked it.

I see Her beside him - beside me - too. Not an angel, but a companion. Not a dream, but a reality. Not perfect, instead a compliment. Standing, supporting, loving, simply being. I almost feel I know her now... an identity almost within my knowledge. But not yet. It is a reality that will be, and that is cause enough to celebrate. Just for a moment, it felt so right - so complete. I'd like to feel that again...

All this, to be me. All this, for simple faithfulness. I wonder what shape those new scars are? This is a promise that will complete at least the beginning of my life's goals. This is a promise from the Almighty.

But then I saw the reality of what I am. I saw what will be, what has been, what qualifies me. I wept for those who chose slavery. I wept for those who did not know they could be freed. Then I saw how hard it was to pay the price for their freedom. I dearly want to pay that price! But it is the highest price! You cannot be anything less than a broken fool on parade to the world if you would set these people free. There is no other man who could do what is required.

What would you do if you were asked to pay a price that was beyond counting? I struggle with tears to come to terms with that price. I want to, but the pain is so terrible and I am not yet desperate enough. To break my will and pride completely, to bend my actions unswervingly to His requests. That is my war.

He sacrificed far more for my life, and even after that He saw fit to heal me of the afflictions I brought upon myself. For that, my heart responds in only one way: to spread His infinite grace!

I see a warrior without armour. His body is crossed with scars of glowing gold. His eyes hold a white flame. There are crimson marks on his wrists and ankles from the bindings that held him. In his left hand is the sword of Life, and in his right the sword of the Word. His left hand has life tattooed in shining letters across the knuckles, while his right palm shows a glowing cross. His hair is matted, and his muscles fairly bulge. He roars challenges to the enemy as he crosses the valley. Yet he is still bound and limited. They capture him and he writhes and turns. The cruel laughter spurs on his struggles, but he cannot break the bonds. As he struggles, he calls out for help. There is a sick feeling in his stomach - the creatures around him make him want to vomit by their sheer presence. He roars and rages, but cannot escape.

Where is his freedom? Why do I wake before he is freed? Free the warrior! Free him please?

Imagineif

Imagine if there were three hundred good men in tow. Imagine if they all knew their authority and purpose. Imagine if they assembled to wage war on the darkness. Imagine the nations they'd change. Now see Pentecost, where the Spirit rained down and the kingdom of darkness took cover. What happened from there to here? What did we miss?

How can I retake the land lost? One good man is enough for the Kingdom, if he can raise other good men. But I am not yet that man. I have walked on coals and through the crashing waves. I stand now looking at the sea of fire before me. My own personal furnace. How I long to enter...

One day the earth will shake as darkness flees from the glory of my God. I will be the herald. I will be faithful.