The Death of Doubt

Most people live in self-doubt, it seems the natural way to be. Doubt is the most constant, gnawing weapon the enemy has; it erodes your strength and attacks your dreams. I wish there was a way to kill it, to stop it forever and live free from it.

Unfortunately, no such thing exists. Doubt is a daily, hourly assault that gives no respite. As black as doubt is, it has a fatal weakness: you must pay attention to it before it can grab a hold of you. This is why we walk in faith and hope.

To put doubt to death is a constant thing. We must daily crucify those doubts. We must fight them and defeat them, trusting in something we usually cannot see or feel in those black moments. In doing so, we defy both emotion and logic.

I fight doubt daily, but not because I have great faith in myself or even my future. Those are in God's hands to do with as He wills. I fight daily because I refuse to give up one last hope: he who endures to the end will be rewarded.

Because of this resolve, I am given the grace and strength to continue through a pathless land. There is a plan that God has promised, but it seems distant and unreachable. I trust in it against all common sense, against all reason and emotion, because that is who I am.

I believe.

These Walking Boots

We all wish we could have someone else's life sometimes, or just wish our own lives could be better. Almost always, this comes from a wrong perspective - we are very short sighted! We're so short sighted, in fact, that we don't see that the new walking boots God gives us are too big for us. That's why we complain when we find it hard to walk in them.

Even if we don't like our boots being too big, they're only big because we haven't grown into them. If they weren't too big, we wouldn't have room to grow. God loves you enough that He provides plenty of room to grow, but sometimes we lose sight of this and get lost in our own shoes, thinking they'll never fit us. We should take comfort; God never gives a bad or useless gift. No matter how impossible things seem, those shoes will fit you one day.

Often, we see someone else with something we want and wish we were in their shoes. Don't wish this, ever. Chances are their shoes are too big for you, and you wouldn't even be able to walk in them yet! Even if they weren't, the shoes may be too small and hurt you, stunting your growth. Don't ask to be in someone else's shoes, and don't wish you were - that path will only lead to a more unrealistic view of the way the world works.

Just keep walking, knowing that your shoes were made to fit you, and when you fit them you'll love it!

Prayer Warriors

This is for the silent crowds who make the Kingdom move. This is a thankyou for hours of prayer behind closed doors. As great as the journey God has for me is, I could not walk it without the support of these silent warriors. Prayer is important, and I think only those on the battlefield praying can fully appreciate the importance of what they are doing. I should say before I go on: I don't mean the regular prayers that most of us shoot off in hard times or for friends. I mean faithful, daily intercession for all sorts of people and events. It's not a great gifting of mine, although I've had a taste of it and I think it's harder than serving in a seen position. God uses me here when it pleases Him, but it pleases me just to be used.

Most prayer warriors remain largely unrecognised, because the nature of their calling is private. I was reading Mark 10 recently, and two things hit me: first, Jesus says many of the first will be last, and the last will be first in the age to come (v31). Secondly, Jesus says the seats in Heaven are not for him to grant, but have already been prepared for people! (v40) Jesus then goes on to say that whoever wants to be the greatest must become the servant of all. Paul's life illustrates a Godly minister whose life was in the spotlight, being the servant of all.

What about the prayer warriors? Someone who prays faithfully for many, who serves them for untold hours without the people they serve ever being aware of it. Let this be an encouragement for you who labour and aren't seen: your seats have already been prepared in Heaven, and often they'll be above those of the leaders you submit to. Everyone will be rewarded according to what they've done, so serve faithfully knowing your names are written in Heaven.

Value of Life

This may be obvious to some, but I must say it because it is so important. People often quote the Bible, saying that being obedient to God will "store treasure in Heaven". Obedience to God here is usually equated with good deeds, but that's not right. God looks at the heart of these deeds. God looks at your heart. God looks at what you did. Deeds are worthless. Anything you do here will pass away, as Solomon knew well.

Do not store your security in deeds, because there will come a time when they are undone and you have nothing to lean on. Do not store your self value in what you can do for God, because there will be times when you are powerless. Keeping a count is no way to measure success either, because at most you will add incrementally, and never grow past your current achievements.

Build yourself a treasury of people. Your impact on the people around you is the only thing you'll see for eternity. Build them up, give them wisdom and support. Do your utmost to build God's character into their lives through your influence. Every time you help someone mature, you are adding more than you could ever realise to the Kingdom. Your encouragement or advice could form the burning core of an evangelist who saves thousands, or just as important, your encouragement to some teenager having a hard time at work could be the beginning of changes his friends start asking questions about.

Words and deeds are immaterial, but there are people at the end of all of them. Those people are your eternal treasures, and every word, every gesture, every reaction you make is imprinted onto them. Give people life; bring Heaven to this world now. This is the deepest desire of my heart, and the one burning fire that pulls me above my struggle with self. Sow Christ's risen humanity into people, and extinguish the fallen humanity that has gripped our world.

This is God's desire for us, and this is the rock on which I can stand firm in all the storms of life. As long as I have this, I will never stop fighting against our fallen nature and the prince who rules it.

Climbing Mountains

Lately, I feel like I've been climbing a very high, gruelling mountain. Every time I think I've reached the top (or at least a resting place), I scramble over the big rock just to see more unending slope. I wondered at first if this was a test of my resolve, but my resolve has not been shaken. Maybe it is strengthening me against loss, but if this is just a strengthening then I dread to see what the test of this strength is.

This is a slope I struggle to climb, but one that no one can climb for me. This is a place of such tension that even apathy cannot exist. Each day I struggle with lost dreams, doubts and desires tearing at my soul; who I was is something hard to let go of. Regardless of what I feel, I will walk on. God chose me for this path, because He alone knows the strength of my heart.

I've begun to wonder, too, whether this mountain is something every leader must climb in order to see the way ahead. It's a small light in the dark. If I was to be honest, the real reason I keep going is because I suspect Heaven lies at the top of this mountain.

Perfected Priesthood

This is an interesting line of thought that popped into my mind recently. Lucifer was (as far as we know) the archangel of worship, created to give God glory and to worship God. In his beauty and wisdom, he became arrogant and confused God's power and splendour as his own. Since Lucifer was created to fulfill a purpose, reason dictates that God must replace Lucifer - leaving creation incomplete is unacceptable.

Since the first creation's flaw was that it did not know corruption, but was free to choose it, the second creation must fix the flaw. We are born into sin, but only through complete self sacrifice are we saved. Through Lucifer's arrogance, God has created a priesthood for Himself that is tested and purified of its own choice.

We who are saved are the eternal priesthood, who will worship and give glory to God forever. Each of us has been tested, and though we often fall to Lucifer's influence, we have rejected his nature. Our sufferings for Christ have perfected us in the age to come, because we have chosen for all eternity and withstood the temptations Lucifer fell to.