Fasting
I blinked and stirred out of my sleepless night. It was 5 in the morning and I was still curled up, feeling sick in the stomach and almost wretching. I buried my head in the pillow and cried out to God. I already knew I wouldn't eat today. I had to have answers, and only He knew them.
Fasting isn't about suffering, or even sacrifice particularly. It's about choosing, willfully, to put seeking God above absolutely everything in your life for a time. It's about connecting to God in spite of every discomfort and desire to do other things. It's not about self-harm, or self-denial on an extended basis. I'm quite sure that even 3 hours of true fasting can bring extraordinary results.
I started praying, that morning for a report of rain. I wanted a messenger to bring the good news to my parched soul. The sky was blue and the day was already hot by 9. I prayed and prayed for a report of rain. The heat made me feel even sicker. It was almost unnatural for that time of the morning. My mouth was constantly dry, no matter how much I drank.
At midday, clouds appeared. Rain fell. The coolness was a relief to my body, I smiled.
From that point, something changed. My head cleared, even though it still had a dull ache. I could pray clearly, not the prayers of the desperate but those of a man talking to God. In that place of solitude, there was sanctuary. The silence became loud, and the small voice of God became a mighty crowd roaring.
The enemy is not allowed in when we enter a holy place. His shouts faded to a whisper. I knew they were there, but they were completely powerless and too weak to pay attention to. God's voice drowned it all out with a clarity and precision. It was a soothing drink for my soul. It was a physical relief for my body too.
At 5, He told me, "Rise and eat." - He will not have his servants weakened or in pain without need. Being the fool that I am, I said no. I said I would rather have faith. I don't even know why that came into my mind. He smiled, and said, "Very well, do not rise and you will receive faith." I do not know much of what faith is, or how you receive it, or where it goes when you get it. I just know I was being filled. Then tested. I don't know what kind of faith it was, but I certainly don't feel any different.
Then I rose and ate. I think I will have to do this again; I rather enjoy His company.
Fasting isn't about suffering, or even sacrifice particularly. It's about choosing, willfully, to put seeking God above absolutely everything in your life for a time. It's about connecting to God in spite of every discomfort and desire to do other things. It's not about self-harm, or self-denial on an extended basis. I'm quite sure that even 3 hours of true fasting can bring extraordinary results.
I started praying, that morning for a report of rain. I wanted a messenger to bring the good news to my parched soul. The sky was blue and the day was already hot by 9. I prayed and prayed for a report of rain. The heat made me feel even sicker. It was almost unnatural for that time of the morning. My mouth was constantly dry, no matter how much I drank.
At midday, clouds appeared. Rain fell. The coolness was a relief to my body, I smiled.
From that point, something changed. My head cleared, even though it still had a dull ache. I could pray clearly, not the prayers of the desperate but those of a man talking to God. In that place of solitude, there was sanctuary. The silence became loud, and the small voice of God became a mighty crowd roaring.
The enemy is not allowed in when we enter a holy place. His shouts faded to a whisper. I knew they were there, but they were completely powerless and too weak to pay attention to. God's voice drowned it all out with a clarity and precision. It was a soothing drink for my soul. It was a physical relief for my body too.
At 5, He told me, "Rise and eat." - He will not have his servants weakened or in pain without need. Being the fool that I am, I said no. I said I would rather have faith. I don't even know why that came into my mind. He smiled, and said, "Very well, do not rise and you will receive faith." I do not know much of what faith is, or how you receive it, or where it goes when you get it. I just know I was being filled. Then tested. I don't know what kind of faith it was, but I certainly don't feel any different.
Then I rose and ate. I think I will have to do this again; I rather enjoy His company.
posted by Merlz at 5:03 AM
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