Fading Tastes

There's an odd sensation that accompanies the power of the presence of God. Stay there long enough and your appetites will fade. The wonder of Him is so completely overwhelming, that everything else fades in comparison. Food, activities, everything. God is addictive. We get our fix every week in church, daily in prayer, when we read our Bibles. His presence falls - that's the goal - to hang out with Him.

But what happens when we step beyond that? What happens if His presence isn't the goal anymore. What if I want His physical manifestation? What if I want to talk face to face? What if I want to see Heaven? I want more than just an ordinary life - and His power in my life can either grow or shrink; staying the same is a deception to let you shrink quietly.

I want more in my life! I don't want to be a could-have-been. I don't really know what I want to be. Have I been sent to convict the world, or set it free? Can I do one without the other? I'm starting to think I can't. Why do I see what I see and hold what I hold? Why have all my messages that burn to get out been preached already? Can I make a difference by saying them myself?

I want to plug into the source of power and learn to let it flow through me into others. I want to be the wall-breaker in lives desperate for change. I want to be a catalyst, to set something off within people. But I don't even know who I am. I'm struggling against my other natures. I'm struggling for boldness every day.

I get this terrible feeling that once I step out, there's no going back. If I went back, I'd crumble completely. I don't know that I'm strong enough. Show me the way! I don't want to be scared and afraid to step out. I don't want my mind to cause me to hesitate. I don't want to overthink everything. But I do. How can I stop? How can I turn into the man I need to be? I need to start looking for the answers today!

Tomorrow is too late to start changing.