Clash Point Break

I guess it finally happened. Who I am has finally overtaken my own emotions and comfort zones. A small step for some, but an irrevocable change for me. A step that changes everything. I have broken my own rules, broken my own character, and hit something that completely scares me because I've done what I know is right. It's a place I wouldn't go again if i could choose, but I know now I've done it the first time, it will continue.

I do not approach people. It's not me. Yet I asked him if he wanted prayer. He said no. Did people tell Jesus they didn't want healing? It's far beyond what I imagined I would do, and yet I did it. What happens to me now?

I feel odd - I'm not the person I thought I was. I'm someone else. A stranger wearing my skin. What else do I not know I will do? It's an empty feeling - the fear clenching as I realised afterward what I had done. It needed a lot of God's presence to restore.

And yet, at the end, He left me hanging: "You have done what I asked. You have done well. The next time you reach out, I'll reach back and touch you."

There is a war in my spirit between fear and faith. It's disrupting my normal function and confusing me. What does it mean?

For Every Wound

And this is what my soul tells me:

For every wound I take, your life will fill the gap. For every time I fall, your love will cover my hurts. In everything I do, I cannot fall if I look to you.

I see my spirit torn and criss-crossed with scars, and yet filling each scar is a golden-glowing bronze, harder than any flesh and impenetrable to the enemy. This is my sacrifice of life to you. This is why I am constantly broken and rebuilt.

When my scars consume me, then I will be your likeness and reflect your glory. For each moment of brokenness, for each moment of surrender, and for each moment of healing I bear marks. You marks will never fade, cannot be pierced, and cannot be removed.

I am almost at that critical place now. What will you do when I'm readied? What will be the message I'm given? How many nations will I cross when I call people out? I see a future full of those - the forcefully awakened - my brothers in life. They will march from the depths, the corners, and the shadows to stand. Am I the awakener, or merely a messenger of change? I bring dreams, but can I bring life?

And...

If my heart breaks into pieces,
When I know what I have done
And if I know how You feel,
when I've said something wrong

If I know I've been defeated,
but don't want to be undone,
And if I know I can't do this,
if I try alone

If I watch my world fall,
with sore and stinging eyes,
And if I collapse exhausted,
when I have done the task

Can I find forgiveness,
seated at your throne?
Will I walk again,
in this night-time all alone?

And will it just get harder,
if I ask for resurection?
Can I have your grace again?
Can I have your strength?

I need more than words,
I need unfailing love.
I need more than refilling,
I need a rock to stand.

There is no one like You.
No other I would serve.
I have nothing left to give.
Your gift is more than I deserve.

So pour your spirit out on me,
and I will run once more.
Bless me as your messenger,
and I'll tell faithfully of Your love.

Lost In You Again

I long to stand at the edge of infinity, forever lost in your love. I would abandon all else, if I could just touch your face. I long to spend my days, sheltered by your hand. Here I bow, at the foot of your throne.

Through all this rings an emptiness - one could call my longings selfish, though they are longings for your glory. They are but a part of life - a moment in time - a passing piece of a recurring puzzle. Though I long for your glory, it is your heart that has captured me completely: that none should perish.

Who could say that moving in your heart is work? Who would belittle your plans and splendour as a chore? This is my daily act of worship, my daily fulfillment of purpose, and my daily pleasing sacrifice: I will serve faithfully with every ounce of energy I possess.

I will serve with exceeding joy, because this is my gift to my creator. I will do even the menial tasks rejoicing in the honor and privilege of serving you. This is my offering, and my prayer is that you would be near me through every moment. Never leave me, but keep me safe and lend me your strength.

Teach me your ways and give me your heart. Be my tower of hope through the dark times. Hold my dreams high as the enemy attacks them, and shield me from the arrows of doubt. I believe that all things are possible. I believe that with you, I can change the world.