Choosing Partners

One thing I have realised as I've begun to value myself and the contribution I'm capable of making to the lives of others is that "any nice Christian girl" will not do. Being fussy about who my friends are and who I pick to get close to is not just some general principle. If I don't choose wisely, I'll be stunting my future growth seriously. This is not elitist; I'm a light carrier and a friend for others, but those close to me have to be the ones who will boost my growth.

Because of this, because I value who I choose not only for who they are as a person and a Christian, but also how desperate they are to grow and how big they can dream. Big, realistic, faithful dreamers can change the world. I need my wife to be one, and to share my dreams as I share hers. My wife can't be a follower, too many people in my life are followers and that works well for them but it won't for me. I need an equal in faith and action.

This is a huge challenge to me, and I'm still reprioritising my life and feelings. It's not easy, but it's a surgery I need. Maybe one day I'll even be wise enough to see the qualities I need in people :-)

Dreams

Well this is a very strange story. Recently my dreams have been changing fairly dramatically. God has been invading them. I totally love it. But some things I need to write down, especially this.

I was somewhere where I was delivering a message (or maybe practising to). I had the notes in my hand but I had no idea what it was about. So I read the notes. I'll try to describe what I read but already a lot of little details are fading:

The Holy Spirit is our conscience guide and our companion. Most people miss the importance of His role, and miss a lot of His influence in our lives. When we do the wrong thing, we push Him out. It's important to make things right with God and pull the Holy Spirit in tighter to us again. Most people miss this, and in doing so they miss the main point of repentance! The less we repent, the less we can hear what the Spirit is saying in our lives. (trial before felix - acts 24, one other, can't think of it clearly now)

When we are right with God, we can feel the joy of the HS bubbling up inside us (well, there are exceptions..). When we are right with God, the HS is our compass through life. Without a compass we will easily be shipwrecked. It's important to listen to the HS, and to approach people with a heart and a will and words from God. Too easily we think we can navigate life without God, and too easily we stray into the rocky waters. (there was a story here - ship called Dawn? Shipwreck? Can't remember the details)

Other points I didn't get time to read before I woke up:
-HS is our strength
-HS is our companion

Admittedly, some of this stuff I knew and didn't know how to say, but a lot of it is not stuff I could envision or voice left to myself. Well that's it I guess. Let this be recorded for when people need it, and I'll say it.

The Future Now

Well, I've been getting more and more uneasy about my future, particularly my uni degree which still has a year to go after this one. Over the past week my world has been blown away and totally reformed. I walk with a sense of purpose now; I know what I live for and where I'm going. I feel like a new person, and the world is a totally different place.

Next year I will go to a bible college in sydney to do ministry training. I will get the money to do it, even if I nearly die in the process. It's going to be one of the most challenging years of my life, and it's going to change me from someone with God intentions into a world-changer who can achieve my desires and free people from the pitfalls of life.

I won't say this change was sudden, people around me have seen the process happening over the past few months and most aren't too surprised about the conclusion of the process. What was sudden, was the birth of a dream. What changed my outlook so much was going from aimless wandering through life to a pinpoint-focused vision.

That focus overflows into my life, and the things I do now are intentional and purposeful. The floating period of my life is over, and now I must follow the path laid for me into the future. Knowing the future now is scary, and empowering. I can't wait to get there!

Kingdom

Wow... I was at cell tonight and we were praying... and all I could see when I closed my eyes were my hands doing things. I asked God to speak to me, and usually if I listen hard there's a whisper. This time there was a roar:

"Build my kingdom,
I want your hands,
Those hands,
I will use your hands."

Well, I'm not entirely sure where this is going, but I'm pretty certain it means medical physics isn't for me. This place, and especially the things that excite me right now are a little scary. Sitting on the edge of a very big cliff and peering down, I'm hoping I don't suddenly develop a fear of heights. Can't wait for more to be revealed though, it's exciting.

The things you don't tell.

We had a prayer night for our unsaved friends at cell group tonight. We wrote down their names on pieces of paper, and put all the pieces of paper writing side up on the floor in the middle of the group. I saw all the pieces of paper on fire, and more than a third of them burned up. As we prayed for them, a few popped back into existence, but only a few, and they were surrounded by ash. I was shown this because I am to build God's kingdom, and to do so I need to know the pain of seeing people lost. It's a difficult thing to see so graphically, and it's a shame. I've got to do something about it, but I don't know what yet.

All I know is I must do something. The Book of Life lies open and their names are not yet written in it.

These Two Hands

I was praying today, and God told me to open my eyes. I opened my eyes and noticed my hands. I asked, Lord, what can I do with these two hands?

He replied, "You will build my kingdom with these two hands."

It still hasn't fully sunk in. I'm a little numbed, and I'm sure I don't understand fully. Someday soon I will be shown what these hands con do for God. I wonder what the builder's job is...

An Arrow Near the Heart

Sometimes, rarely, a message will fly like an arrow through the core of your being. Connections you have to certain passages of scripture, core beliefs and motivations that drive you are awakened and supercharged. Dreams are magnified into full life, and you remember why it is you live. The words that were spoken tonight still resonate throughout my being, "If you want to be counted among the Mighty Men..."

Those words reflect my innermost desires. I don't particularly want recognition here; here is temporal and changing. I want to be known as mighty in Heaven. If I want to be among them... If I want to live out the one desire that drives me through life. I can hear the words inside me now. Sometimes they echo, sometimes they clang. The answer is really quite simple: I put God first in my life. After doing that, I cannot resist God's calling in my life.

I am here, I will answer the calling. I will serve and I will let the Lord's strength pour over me. Wash over me, burn away the doubts and fears and leave me alive and undefeatable. I want to do great things, because I can dream great things!