Called Up

I've been called up again, after a week of grace, to walk into the fire once more. I've been given an awesome calling, far beyond what I could dream - but the price of such a vision is the path that leads there. To say that God is a consuming fire is to state exactly the nature of my relationship with Him. I am being burned up daily, purified in the flame like a fine metal. My life is slowly but surely conforming to His image.

Tonight I received the clearest word I think I've ever gotten from God. Something huge was started in me tonight - a renewing of who I am. I'm to be changed into someone new - someone who has defeated the character flaws that challenge my current direction.

I don't know how else to explain it, but with this new level of maturity God has promised a radically higher presence and power in my life. This sounds great, but has a flipside that any veteran Christian will be aware of. I expect to be under attack constantly over the next few months. This is necessary, and my faith will be strengthened by it, but it will not be pleasant. In the last round, I hit the point where I almost wished I could die.

Now that the realism is out of the way, this has struck a chord somewhere in me that is important. I get the sense I have been waiting for this part of my life, and working for it for a very long time. I feel like this is the culmination of an extended, determined push on my part to reach some goal.

Given God's character, and the nature of my calling, I'm probably lucky I don't know where this is going or precisely what level I'm going to. If I did, I'm sure I'd chicken out right now. As it is, I will soldier on into this brave new world.

The Next Level

Tonight was one of the most awesome nights of my life, to top off a terrific week of God's power and growth in me. To start the week, I hammered out some things with God and spent a long time in prayer coming to a point of complete and utter surrender. I did this because I was desperate for God to move, and oh boy did He move. Once I got to a state of total surrender and reliance on God, He filled me with a new kind of strength - unending, solid, and motivating. It was a good start.

On Tuesday, I had cell group, and we were praying for people at the end and I was put in the middle (not against my will, but not by my request either). I was given the gift of tongues there - still exciting and still using it as much as possible. Weird but awesome. I've already found that it's dangerous to do while eating, brushing teeth, or shaving. So much better connecting with God though.

On Friday we had a youth leaders' meeting for a network youth gethering we had tonight. We were given a bit of a leadership intensive seminar that really redefined the landmarks of leadership in my world. Simply by being me, I lead change and transformation in those who follow. They're growing to look like me, so what I want stamped on the lives of those I lead must be genuine qualities of my life.

That's nothing new, but the worldshaking moment was when I realised it was character and hunger that they copied, not knowledge or learning. So now I'm challenged to make my life not only genuine as an example, but genuine in every aspect I want stamped onto this new generation of believers. That includes stuff I'm not real comfortable with, like welcoming and getting to know new people *all the time*.

No recovery period from that of course; iinstead there was the network youth gathering tonight. I was recruited as an usher, got to help pray for and talk to new converts (still gotta work on that... I'm no good with words and unsure what to say in those situations), and then near the end of the night all the youth leaders were called up and the pastors empowered us to pray and minister to the youth who were there. This was a first-time too, and daunting but life-changing.

God just hit me and swept me up - the words that came out of my mouth didn't even pass through my mind on the way there. Right, wrong, hesitation... it was all swept out the window because I was hearing what I was saying at the same time as everyone else. This was a one-off special from God, but I'd love to develop my gifting in that area (getting out of non-existant would be awesome). That said, I hope I didn't damage the poor kids I prayed for too much. If I'm lucky, I may even have helped define some lives.

I look at this, and I see a pretty clear call in my life to step things up. There's a new level of my Christian walk sitting right there, within reach. Where it'll lead, I have no idea... but as is the signature in lives touched by God, I must go there.

What's important

It's strange and slightly worrying to hear a good friend and passionate co-worker in ministry turn down a ministry leaders' meet, "I want to have one friday to myself!" I don't place value in judging people, but their actions speak volumes about their priorities. It's a bit disappointing, but it was my picture of my friend that was wrong.

This is a very good lesson to all who are passionate for ministry: your dreams determine your priorities. My friend's dream is to be married AND in ministry. Because of this, a relationship is given the same priority as saving the lost. It's not a bad place to be, and certainly many involved in ministry will not be wrong to choose this.

Compare those priorities to my dream: to create a Kingdom culture that absorbs and changes this world, a movement that reaches far past the local church and begins to reshape this nation. Even if I wasn't single, my relationship would have to take a back seat where ministry was concerned - reaching, healing, and giving hope to people is just so much more important. In fact, everything in my world takes a back seat to my passion at one time or another. That's not because I'm better or will sacrifice more than the next person, but simply because I'm so sold out for a dream that I won't let selfish desires stand in the way of it.

I don't like this concept of "me" time. It's selfish and reveals a something not sold out for God. There are some times when you realistically have to stop and give your body and mind a break, but that is not "me" time - it's time spent resting to be more effective. Why is there a "me" time anyway? I struggle with it too - sometimes I just want to stop and play computer games, but I rarely allow that to override bigger priorities in my life. As far as I'm concerned, the best "me" time I ever spend is my private prayer and devotional life. Not very "me" is it?

Once again, for those who want to lead at the forefront: Kingdom dreams give you Kingdom priorities, let go of everything else. God will probably give the other stuff to you anyway, and you can be sure it will be all the better for that.

Groundbreakers

As youth leaders in my church, the youth team is usually the first point of contact with the rest of the community. This is something often emphasized in outreach, but I don't think it's emphasized right. Sure, we need to be models and be loving... but there's something more than that.

We're just ordinary people, how are we going to qualify that we serve an extraordinary God? We serve, but we serve inside the human realm of experience. We need to take the courage to walk outside our human limitations and start expecting miracles. Miracles qualify us as messengers from a living God. The miraculous leaves no doubt of our genuineness.

I'm not advocating a reliance on miracles, but we should be expecting them, believing for them, and praying for them. If we're not ready to do our part, God won't do His. This is a real challenge on a faith level and a humility level. Especially for me. I have to get to the end of the week, and instead of being exhausted I have to be able to believe for these things, and keep them on my mind. I have to pray for it through the week, and I have to have the presence of mind to seize opportunities at youth.

We are the point of contact for Christ with these kids. We are groundbreakers for the Kingdom of God, and we can't afford to aim for anything less. Our youth group isn't about "getting kids off the street", or even "giving kids love" - if we really loved them we'd be burning ourselves up trying to find ways to reach their hearts and show them Christ.

This is warfare, and I'm beginning to wonder if we should let our kids know this. How would they respond if we told them the truth? We are holy warriors fighting the powers of darkness, and the reason we're fighting is to stop these kids from being carried off to eternal torment. Jesus is our General, and the only way to escape the darkness is to sign up under Him and fight alongside us.

Kids are awesome like that - they would quite happily accept the fantastical at face value, where adults would reject such a story outright. I think it might actually be good for them to know the real reason we're there every friday.

Praise

I discovered tonight that what we call "praise" often really isn't. We come to worship God, but we do it to be refilled and to draw nearer to Him. That's fine and necessary, but it's for our own purposes. This isn't quite the same as praise - as giving to God simply because God is God. It's a different feeling - letting out thankfulness without expecting, wanting, or needing anything else. It's exultant, it celebrates God. I love it.

In Power

As we struggle through our lives, ending every day exhausted and often in suffering and misery, we lose sight of the big picture. What I'm going throguh now isn't temptation or attack, although it looks like both. The suffering that sends so many to misery is a result of them not grasping the big picture.

God wants us to be more than conquerers, to rise above the darkness of this world and to shine out as pillars of strength. Why are so many trapped in suffering? They have become victims of the fire. When we grow in God, the impurities must be burned away. When the impurities are no longer there, we can walk in the fire without fear or pain. A lot of people don't realise that their state of prolonged suffering is not the norm, but a result of they themselves not wanting to give up their impurities.

A metal with impurities is not as malleable; it cannot be moulded to a new shape. When it is cooled, a metal with impurities becomes brittle and can easily shatter. Refined metals can easily be beaten into any shape, and will not shatter when it hits an obstacle.

An important part of walking through this fire is to have the strength to stand. If you give in to the temptations of the very impurities God is seeking to rid you of, you're only trapping yourself in that cycle of suffering. This is both the easiest and the hardest part of progressing spiritually. All you have to do is nothing. When everything else in the world seems more desirable, and you are alone and crumbling under enemy barrage, you have to resist and not give in to sinful action.

Once this process is complete, you are the master of your desires and not vice versa. God only places you in the fire to bring out new strength and prepare you for the road ahead. You are meant to live in power, not in suffering. The approach of hard times should be something you can see personal growth in, not something you will get trapped by. Remember, it is a person's willingness to face these trials that makes them a great preacher or hero. They overcame the same things you're struggling with, and God called them on to greater things.

Be eager to live a life in power. Be eager for the pain and fire that brings maturity. Be eager for God to test your mettle and find you worthy.