The Heart of the Matter

Lord, I stand before you alone and torn. I've wandered deserts far from your grace, and found nothing but pain. I walk with my head bowed; my sins are uncountable. I cry out for forgiveness, but can I even forgive myself?

My heart burns for you - you have saved me from myself and my sins. All that I am, all my strength and all my love is less than what I want to give. Even so, I give you less than all of me, and it grieves my heart when I realise it.

My life is a battle for who I am, but I fear I am losing already. I need a transformation of my world - to see my life through your eyes. Show me the reality I'm so scared of, teach me to embrace this world and its pains.

I used to shout for your presence, I used to seek your glory. Now I do not want it. I am not worthy of your glory, but keep your voice with me. I would rather walk these deserts knowing only your voice, than bask in your glory all day long without learning from you.

Give me deep roots, Lord. Give me strength to fight through the unending trials that rise up before me. Heal my wounds, turn my defeats into victories. Lead me into your promise Lord, so that all can see your power and praise you!

My heart burns to praise you, even when I am wretched. My passion is for you, who taught me how to live. Finish your work in me, so that I can teach others your ways. Make me wise by your standards, and share with me your knowledge and wonders.

Lord I am your servant. Please, have mercy on me.

Everything You Are

Some people say I'm lucky, or that they admire me, because I follow God's will as hard as I can and believe in what I am doing. That's not the whole story. Many see the fruit of my walk with God, but it's the quiet times and the times I have to lock myself away to work or pray that people miss. If you want to draw closer to God, and walk in power, you must give up your life.

We cannot approach God without sacrifice. You must give God your hopes and dreams, your days and nights. People will say, "Yes but God won't want me to do something I don't want to do," and that is true, but only if they can see those dreams lost and ruined. God's way is infinitely better, but when I say sacrifice I mean real loss and real pain. It is the reality of your loss, not just your words, that is your sacrifice.

And after you lose your dreams of the future, your confidence in your present, and even your security what will you do? Will you humbly turn to God, who takes you with joy in open arms and only then can begin the refining process in your life? Will you become bitter at your Creator for taking what you told Him you wanted to give by signing up? This is the test of your roots; it is a question of whether your life is lived for God or still secretly for yourself. In God you will find strength to go on, away from God you will harm yourself with your own bitter emotions.

It's here, at the lowest point of your life, that God will meet you and transform you. You will learn a new way to walk, and you will be given a hope that never wears out. You will move forward with your eyes fixed on that hope, regardless of your surrounding situation. The pain will keep coming, losses will never stop in this life. In spite of that, you will be truly alive and the pain will not overcome you.

We've been called to have life abundantly, to be so alive every day that the world has more colour when we're around. Our selfish hearts are to be transformed by this gift, because we know it's by sharing the gift that we ourselves stand to gain. We are lives of sacrifice, reaching out because the love inside us will not be contained. This is what it means to be a Christian - real life comes with pain, and real love cannot be selfish.

Don't Cheapen It!

Generosity is a wonderful thing, I love being generous when people don't have money on them or can't afford something! What really irritates me is when others try to find excuses to do the same. Why can't we just be generous? Why does it have to be, "I guess I ate lunch at your place the other day, so I could pay for this if you want"? Why can't it be, "Hey I'll pay for it, don't worry about it!"?

I actually know a lot of nice people who were brought up believing they had to pay every last cent of generosity back, otherwise they were in debt. Don't cheapen it! It's great to be generous, and it's great to be blessed by someone's generosity! People try to complicate things, whether out of a need to justify spending money to themselves or an excuse so they appear "humble" - deep down, their hearts are in the right place, but they need to listen to their hearts and line their words up with what they really believe.

If you want to be generous, be generous! It's the way I live, and even on my limited budget I'm doing fine. I don't need an excuse to bless someone, and I don't want anything back. I'm just happy to make someone's day a little better. We need to learn there is so much value in the act of giving freely and out of love, that repayment is never considered and reason is never needed. Did Jesus need a reason to feed people, or to heal people? He simply met them at their point of need, and often did so at a fair sacrifice of time he needed for sleep or prayer!

So when you give, don't cheapen it by justifying or by doubting whether you can afford it, or by feeling obligated to give. Give because you can!