Though there's pain in the offering.
How do I know if I like a woman as more than a friend? When does friendship go that extra step? How close is love to friendship? I know some awesome women who I'm close to, we have a lot of fun but... I thought there'd be something more. Something special. I love them dearly, they're great friends all the time. It's hard to separate friendship from love from Love. Which is it I feel? I don't know.
Maybe I'll be trapped in this limbo forever, a small part of my heart aching for that closeness until the day I die. I can live without it, I have God. What's difficult is living with such great friends and not being able to define my feelings towards them. In this situation, I can't even choose. Does that mean they're just friends? Does that define it for me?
Inside I know it doesn't. I can't choose, and God hasn't shown me the way. So I'll wait on Him. I'll be patient, even though there's an ache that never leaves - the longing to have complete safety in love. As I said, I have God's love and there is absolute safety in that - a relationship is not necessary to me. Sometimes, though, I need to collapse and have a physical shoulder to cry on.
Here I stand, waiting, hoping. Nothing happens, of course, and the tear in my soul continues to bleed. Am I not ready? What am I missing? I pray for maturity, for growth and for preparation if I'm not ready. I seek God and thank Him, even in exhaustion. Every day, I wake hoping that God will start something new moving in my life.
God did. I don't fear pain, and I don't even fear loneliness and rejection. God is all I need. He has given me strength, and vision for the future. I still lack a lot, I have so much to learn. I know I'm not deserving, but why can't I be ready? How much bigger can I get on my own? How much can I grow without knowing something of the love and devotion that God has for me?
Please give me an answer, where is She in all of this God?
Maybe I'll be trapped in this limbo forever, a small part of my heart aching for that closeness until the day I die. I can live without it, I have God. What's difficult is living with such great friends and not being able to define my feelings towards them. In this situation, I can't even choose. Does that mean they're just friends? Does that define it for me?
Inside I know it doesn't. I can't choose, and God hasn't shown me the way. So I'll wait on Him. I'll be patient, even though there's an ache that never leaves - the longing to have complete safety in love. As I said, I have God's love and there is absolute safety in that - a relationship is not necessary to me. Sometimes, though, I need to collapse and have a physical shoulder to cry on.
Here I stand, waiting, hoping. Nothing happens, of course, and the tear in my soul continues to bleed. Am I not ready? What am I missing? I pray for maturity, for growth and for preparation if I'm not ready. I seek God and thank Him, even in exhaustion. Every day, I wake hoping that God will start something new moving in my life.
God did. I don't fear pain, and I don't even fear loneliness and rejection. God is all I need. He has given me strength, and vision for the future. I still lack a lot, I have so much to learn. I know I'm not deserving, but why can't I be ready? How much bigger can I get on my own? How much can I grow without knowing something of the love and devotion that God has for me?
Please give me an answer, where is She in all of this God?
posted by Merlz at 10:27 PM
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