Called Up

I've been called up again, after a week of grace, to walk into the fire once more. I've been given an awesome calling, far beyond what I could dream - but the price of such a vision is the path that leads there. To say that God is a consuming fire is to state exactly the nature of my relationship with Him. I am being burned up daily, purified in the flame like a fine metal. My life is slowly but surely conforming to His image.

Tonight I received the clearest word I think I've ever gotten from God. Something huge was started in me tonight - a renewing of who I am. I'm to be changed into someone new - someone who has defeated the character flaws that challenge my current direction.

I don't know how else to explain it, but with this new level of maturity God has promised a radically higher presence and power in my life. This sounds great, but has a flipside that any veteran Christian will be aware of. I expect to be under attack constantly over the next few months. This is necessary, and my faith will be strengthened by it, but it will not be pleasant. In the last round, I hit the point where I almost wished I could die.

Now that the realism is out of the way, this has struck a chord somewhere in me that is important. I get the sense I have been waiting for this part of my life, and working for it for a very long time. I feel like this is the culmination of an extended, determined push on my part to reach some goal.

Given God's character, and the nature of my calling, I'm probably lucky I don't know where this is going or precisely what level I'm going to. If I did, I'm sure I'd chicken out right now. As it is, I will soldier on into this brave new world.