so strange...
The last week I've just felt so out of place. I turned up to youth group and helped out... but it felt empty and it was so hard to control the kids. It's strange to think that I've only known tash and kat for 3-4 weeks, but a week without them would be so noticeable. I'm hoping that it's simply because I'm haivng trouble adapting to a new, more sociable lifestyle (ok, not that much more sociable... but I have my hopes). It would be seriously disturbing if I was actually that dependant on them.
Anyway, I refused to give in to the temptation of sinking back into computer games, and somehow managed to get to cell group thursday night (actually I just gave kenny a few good hard kicks...). I'm glad I did, it was really good. I learned a lot about wednesday night in hindsight. Grrr... I try to start at the beginning and then realise I'm not at the beginning. I was upset about a few things with the youth group meeting Wednesday night, I won't go into it and it wasn't huge but it was significant to me.
For a long time, I've thought the question to ask myself about doing something was "if there was no reward, would I still do it?". That's just totally the wrong attitude. It's not about how willing you are to sacrifice your time. A more correct question would be "If God told me to stop, would there be any hard feelings?". That's the way you really test your commitment to what God wants. That's why I was upset. I wasn't prepared to do it God's way. That's what I got from cell group anyway.
Needless to say, there was a lot of repenting going on thursday night. It's not that I feel bad or regret thinking the wrong way, it's just that I know I really was in the wrong and I don't want to go down that path again. I really should have gotten this earlier; God's been trying to tell me this for the past week. 3 times! And I still didn't get it!
The whole thing revolves around this verse:
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart"
-psalm 51:17
I didn't understand what that really meant until thursday. Now I know. Broken doesn't mean sadness, it means knowing and accepting you are wrong and giving yourself wholly to God's will. I think this is a personal thing, something people have to live through to understand.
Youth group was good last night, but I won't go into it now... I'm not in a mood to laugh at the moment. Maybe tomorrow...
Anyway, I refused to give in to the temptation of sinking back into computer games, and somehow managed to get to cell group thursday night (actually I just gave kenny a few good hard kicks...). I'm glad I did, it was really good. I learned a lot about wednesday night in hindsight. Grrr... I try to start at the beginning and then realise I'm not at the beginning. I was upset about a few things with the youth group meeting Wednesday night, I won't go into it and it wasn't huge but it was significant to me.
For a long time, I've thought the question to ask myself about doing something was "if there was no reward, would I still do it?". That's just totally the wrong attitude. It's not about how willing you are to sacrifice your time. A more correct question would be "If God told me to stop, would there be any hard feelings?". That's the way you really test your commitment to what God wants. That's why I was upset. I wasn't prepared to do it God's way. That's what I got from cell group anyway.
Needless to say, there was a lot of repenting going on thursday night. It's not that I feel bad or regret thinking the wrong way, it's just that I know I really was in the wrong and I don't want to go down that path again. I really should have gotten this earlier; God's been trying to tell me this for the past week. 3 times! And I still didn't get it!
The whole thing revolves around this verse:
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart"
-psalm 51:17
I didn't understand what that really meant until thursday. Now I know. Broken doesn't mean sadness, it means knowing and accepting you are wrong and giving yourself wholly to God's will. I think this is a personal thing, something people have to live through to understand.
Youth group was good last night, but I won't go into it now... I'm not in a mood to laugh at the moment. Maybe tomorrow...
posted by Merlz at 4:43 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home