One More Maybe

I'll let myself dream one more time. Dreams are important but we must have maturity to dream. Immaturity ends in doubt and insecurity, but maturity lends strength and surety. I want something that seems unlikely if not downright impossible. I really don't even know why I want it. It just seems somehow natural. It flies in the face of all sense. It is strategically stupid. It is a nightmare waiting to happen. What am I thinking?

I know all these things, and still I can't help this. I wish I knew what to do. I can lose this dream, I know it won't shake me. It might not be great, but I know the strength I live in. I'm not afraid to lose, but why am I so afraid to win? How do I even win?

Sometimes I hate what I've been made. I hate being incomplete. I'm missing a large part of what makes a person whole simply because it was never taught to me. I love what I am, but the places I lack are still open wounds for me. Now all I want is to close those wounds... and I have no idea how to.