Pain in the offering
Why is it that these things are revealed to me? Why must you continually cut me away from the others? Why do I have to hide my face when they talk so excitedly about the future? It pains me to tears that I cannot share my joy yet. My heart is in sorrow because sharing my dream is years away.
Dreams that seem so small, dreams that seem impossible, dreams we never knew we dreamt. What happens if it is revealed? Are we doomed to be forever frustrated by things we know and are not yet? I will be forever driven towards a goal many times larger than life seems it could hold.
Is this what it is to be a visionary? Or is this merely what it is to see the Kingdom advancing? Is there even much difference?
Why does my heart never tire of these dreams? It seems every time I near the completion of one, you give me another helping. There are no breaks, there is no time to stand still. It seems odd that I do not tire of moving forward.
At the same time, I know that I could not stop even if I wanted to. To stop would be to deny every gift you've given me. It would be denying my own life. I would lose myself if I did not follow you relentlessly.
Here come the tears again. The isolation, too. The words are tied up in my throat. What would you do, if you were confronted with a dream that fulfilled everything in you, beyond all expectations, and yet you had to bottle the dream up and simply keep working?
Well, some will know. That won't stop the tears. I don't really know why the tears come. Are they joy? Are they pain? Are they something else entirely? All I know is that they fuel the fire inside me, rather than extinguishing it.
Can I say that I am burning? It hurts, but I'm being remade again, even after I thought some things had been made right. I want to go forward, but it seems I'm my own worst enemy.
Sometimes, I wish that I could have someone silently cheering for me. Then I think again, and I know that's not what I'm looking for right now. I know because I've been there, and I know the emptiness. What I'm looking for is something that is not of this world. It is so entirely other that I cannot even conceive of it unless I find it. That is why I keep searching so relentlessly...
Dreams that seem so small, dreams that seem impossible, dreams we never knew we dreamt. What happens if it is revealed? Are we doomed to be forever frustrated by things we know and are not yet? I will be forever driven towards a goal many times larger than life seems it could hold.
Is this what it is to be a visionary? Or is this merely what it is to see the Kingdom advancing? Is there even much difference?
Why does my heart never tire of these dreams? It seems every time I near the completion of one, you give me another helping. There are no breaks, there is no time to stand still. It seems odd that I do not tire of moving forward.
At the same time, I know that I could not stop even if I wanted to. To stop would be to deny every gift you've given me. It would be denying my own life. I would lose myself if I did not follow you relentlessly.
Here come the tears again. The isolation, too. The words are tied up in my throat. What would you do, if you were confronted with a dream that fulfilled everything in you, beyond all expectations, and yet you had to bottle the dream up and simply keep working?
Well, some will know. That won't stop the tears. I don't really know why the tears come. Are they joy? Are they pain? Are they something else entirely? All I know is that they fuel the fire inside me, rather than extinguishing it.
Can I say that I am burning? It hurts, but I'm being remade again, even after I thought some things had been made right. I want to go forward, but it seems I'm my own worst enemy.
Sometimes, I wish that I could have someone silently cheering for me. Then I think again, and I know that's not what I'm looking for right now. I know because I've been there, and I know the emptiness. What I'm looking for is something that is not of this world. It is so entirely other that I cannot even conceive of it unless I find it. That is why I keep searching so relentlessly...
posted by Merlz at 5:44 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home