Get Outta My Head!

I've drawn my sword, put on my helm, strapped on my shield, and fitted my breastplate. I roar at the enemy, I pace and call on the power of Heaven. No matter, it is too late. I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed again. Once again, I was trapped in a dead end - there were none to carry me. It is my weakness, but one I cannot help. How do I fight when my comrades can disappear so completely and quickly?

Where were you when I was in that place Lord? Did you watch as my sinful nature overwhelmed what I have worked so hard to build for you? Did you turn away even as everything in me cried out for release from the bondage of sin? What must I do to overcome this nature? I would rather you rip it from me, and leave me wounded and limping, than watch from the inside with horror at what I am capable of.

But you will not tear it from me, even if I ask it. You want me to choose against it every moment of every day - though it drives me to madness. From my laziness springs all manner of horrors that should never exist! How can I live a righteous man with this sin pelting down on me? Let your cleansing fire pierce me again and again, burning away the evil, but do not let it return. I have set my heart on something you love, and for the sake of love I lay down my life for you to use. Why do you let this life fall when it could be so much more?

I will start again tomorrow; I shall build our friendship again. I pray that this time the walls will stand. I pray that I will not be separated again. I pray that you would intensify my desire for righteousness, love, justice, and wholeness. Do not let me sink into the darkness where I will never be your herald. I consider that a fate worse than death...