not enough

I'm burned out right now. I'm exhausted, hot, tired, and not looking forward to work tomorrow as much as I should. I've given my whole life to service, and left precious little for worship. I'm burning up without anywhere to recharge, and it's eating away at my productivity.

I want to worship, but I can't express myself the way I truly want to. My act of worship is creation; I am an artist, I create to express myself. I work in the world of the electron and the bit, my canvas is every computer screen in the world. I can create worlds inside those beige boxes that the great painters of history would envy for their depth and emotion. My art is dynamic; it moves and changes.

My art is also just as much work as that of a conventional artist, but my art taxes the mind too. After a solid week of service, I find I simply can't express myself the way I want to! I'm wishing for a balance, but I don't know where I'll find it. Uni will be over soon, so maybe I'll be in luck.

As for what I create -- many things. I want to give body to the glimpses I see of that other place. There's another place unattached to us in space and time, but this world is the poor reflection of that place. I want to let others see what I see, and I want to put it out there for the world to see the alternative to their selfishness.

So will I get to worship my way? I don't know. I cannot now, but I burn to give shape and colour to my visions. I want to create masterpieces that become a new standard for the graphics industry and for cinematography. If only I was given the capacity to do so on top of my busy weeks....