Fighting Reality
Being a romantic isn't easy. It's great; I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just not easy.
I'm a romantic, and that means I'm almost constantly engaged in a battle with reality. I'm fighting to transform this mundane experience into something precious and incredible. I'm fighting to believe tomorrow will always be even better. I'm fighting to believe I can reach my dreams.
Many people incorrectly understand this notion of fighting reality, and either destroy themselves or lock themselves in a controlling universe. I don't fight to control what goes on outside of me. That would be stupid.
I fight to change myself from the inside. I fight to believe the best of every day, regardless of what happens. I'm locked in a constant struggle with what reality tells me about the world and myself, because I believe something better can be brought out.
Often we're called weak, because we appear infinitely forgiving, or we appear as a doormat to be trampled. That's a picture - a snapshot in time. Without time, dreams become meaningless, and so we do. Look at our lives as a whole - look along our lives. We are changing the world piece by piece by believing in it.
So now I stand here, knowing my feelings, and fighting the feeling of insignificance that would destroy everything I've worked for. I'm not a significant person, but what I do now will be significant for the rest of my life. This is the truth we face beyond every day - beyond any "reality" of disappointments.
And today, fighting isn't easy. My world falls inwards, I'm afraid to talk with the people I care about, and it seems that all my actions are pointless. I sit in a tension between doing something and doing nothing, because I don't know why I'm doing it right now. Everything I've ever experienced says I will fail - I can't relate to people, I can't build friendships and relationships, and I can't be secure in myself. I wake up every day to fight this, because a small, quiet voice inside tells me that this fight will save many lives in the future. Including mine.
I'm a romantic, and that means I'm almost constantly engaged in a battle with reality. I'm fighting to transform this mundane experience into something precious and incredible. I'm fighting to believe tomorrow will always be even better. I'm fighting to believe I can reach my dreams.
Many people incorrectly understand this notion of fighting reality, and either destroy themselves or lock themselves in a controlling universe. I don't fight to control what goes on outside of me. That would be stupid.
I fight to change myself from the inside. I fight to believe the best of every day, regardless of what happens. I'm locked in a constant struggle with what reality tells me about the world and myself, because I believe something better can be brought out.
Often we're called weak, because we appear infinitely forgiving, or we appear as a doormat to be trampled. That's a picture - a snapshot in time. Without time, dreams become meaningless, and so we do. Look at our lives as a whole - look along our lives. We are changing the world piece by piece by believing in it.
So now I stand here, knowing my feelings, and fighting the feeling of insignificance that would destroy everything I've worked for. I'm not a significant person, but what I do now will be significant for the rest of my life. This is the truth we face beyond every day - beyond any "reality" of disappointments.
And today, fighting isn't easy. My world falls inwards, I'm afraid to talk with the people I care about, and it seems that all my actions are pointless. I sit in a tension between doing something and doing nothing, because I don't know why I'm doing it right now. Everything I've ever experienced says I will fail - I can't relate to people, I can't build friendships and relationships, and I can't be secure in myself. I wake up every day to fight this, because a small, quiet voice inside tells me that this fight will save many lives in the future. Including mine.
posted by Merlz at 11:17 PM
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