incomplete

I am a holy warrior, clothed in the splendour of heaven, but I have no shield arm. My soul longs for God's presence, and yet my heart is torn between experiences of the now. I am caught in two realities I cannot reconcile, I don't know how to gie myself to both. I desire something good, but that desire is bad in itself.

Do I have the right to smile, if I stop and play a game? I know what I should do, but is this holiday so wrong? When do I call it neglect? Are my feelings really right? I want to rest in those same hands that created this world, just feel the safety around me. But how can I rest in safety and assurance with THAT staring me in the face? You know I'm weak, that my hopes are easily raised. I don't want to be crushed again, I want to follow you with all my heart. Please either give it or take the distraction away!

What am I missing? Why am I incomplete? I am a flawed creation searching desperately for completion! Give me strength, let me stand, and if I will not be healed please do something about the pain. I will do my best to give you my undivided heart...