Over my head
Sometimes life just goes too fast. I still can't stop... I want to move forwards. I can't sleep, I just want to spend time with God. I got a small glimpse of God again last night... and I feel totally unworthy. I'm so small, I fall so short of the King I serve. It's crazy. I hope I never lose this humbling vision of where I fit in the scheme of things. I know why I saw it; God's been talking to me about that too. I try very hard not to judge others... but I need to work on it harder. It's a subconscious thing now, and I have to find the cause and bring it before God to be eliminated. Who am I to judge where someone else is spiritually? That's between them and God.
Which brings me to a related point: spiritual gifts. They're great, we all know it. They're real, we all know it. What irritates me is people trying to "push" me into it. I'm on God's timeline, I listen to what God has to say. When I'm ready, when I can handle it, God will give me tools for building His kingdom. Right now though, I'm not feeling called to discover that. Yes, I want to walk closer with God... but I'm running this race to win, and so I'm running it the way God tells me. Yes, if I get a chance I will take it. Otherwise, I will respond when God tells me it's time.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm being reformed daily into God's image. Situations have arisen in the past week that required experience, authority and confidence that I did not have. I've found myself increasingly dealing capably and correctly with these situations. The words come from my love of God, rather than from my own understanding. My authority comes not from my own assertiveness, but from being secure in God. These are qualities that, even as I notice them, I realise I've always wanted. These are qualities that will equip me to lead capably.
Am I becoming a leader? I think God wants me to. I know the sacrifice leadership is, but I'm still inescapably drawn to it. I also know that to be a leader, I must be above reproach. I have a lot of personality flaws still to work out. One day, I hope to be ready for the full achievement that God has planned for me. In the meantime, it's exciting to be able to talk to God, and often to hear God talk back clearly.
Which brings me to a related point: spiritual gifts. They're great, we all know it. They're real, we all know it. What irritates me is people trying to "push" me into it. I'm on God's timeline, I listen to what God has to say. When I'm ready, when I can handle it, God will give me tools for building His kingdom. Right now though, I'm not feeling called to discover that. Yes, I want to walk closer with God... but I'm running this race to win, and so I'm running it the way God tells me. Yes, if I get a chance I will take it. Otherwise, I will respond when God tells me it's time.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm being reformed daily into God's image. Situations have arisen in the past week that required experience, authority and confidence that I did not have. I've found myself increasingly dealing capably and correctly with these situations. The words come from my love of God, rather than from my own understanding. My authority comes not from my own assertiveness, but from being secure in God. These are qualities that, even as I notice them, I realise I've always wanted. These are qualities that will equip me to lead capably.
Am I becoming a leader? I think God wants me to. I know the sacrifice leadership is, but I'm still inescapably drawn to it. I also know that to be a leader, I must be above reproach. I have a lot of personality flaws still to work out. One day, I hope to be ready for the full achievement that God has planned for me. In the meantime, it's exciting to be able to talk to God, and often to hear God talk back clearly.
posted by Merlz at 4:10 AM
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