Compelled

Lately I've been thinly suppressing the work of God inside me. The thoughts rage, the world turns upside down, and I'm scared. Most people know the Holy Spirit as an inner counsellor and comforter, but I say He is a lot more. Lately, He has become an inner tormentor, for lack of a better word. I'd better explain this before I get burned alive: we all do (or don't do) a lot of things in our lives that we know are wrong. We learn to bend the rules and get these out of our conscience.

The Spirit has become my conscience in force, attacking agressively every thought that is not Godly and compelling me towards a path unknown and scary. Out of fear for where it leads, and a desire to not let my life fall apart I've managed to suppress it and carry on with commitments and needs in my life, but I'm not sure how much longer that will be the case. There is something inside me pressing to get out; something terrifying but undoubtedly good. There are so many worries stacked against it - what if I can't hear at the critical time? What if I'm totally unequipped to do what it asks? Does it take precedence over the rest of my life?

I keep wondering if this introspection is selfish, but this is far bigger than me. This is the Holy Spirit, my personal muse whose words reveal the state of my heart and the calling on my life. All the words I hear about other people! The suffering saved, the unsaved, the world God wills! I guess I'd better start praying for the confidence and willingness to reach them; this goes way beyond my comfortable faith level and out into the unknown, untested blue yonder.