where it went wrong

I don't know where it all went wrong. Maybe I was seduced by the power I briefly experienced. Maybe I was deluded into thinking it was mine. I never admitted it, but I still put myself above others. My happiness and achievement was highr than theirs. Just because God favoured me for a little while, that made me better.

Is this how it's always going to be? Can my heart be changed? I want to do this for God, and out of a servant attitude. All I feel is a smug self satisfaction that I have it right now. I want to sacrifice my life for God. I want to take up the cross because after all, happiness is empty without due cause.

I want my life to be something special that shines out. Maybe along the way I started wanting the recognition that goes with this. I want my life to be filled with God's power and glory, not my own. How do I escape the temptation, and develop a humble heart that is open to God's purposes in my life?

Lord forgive me, and change my heart so I can serve you more. I don't care what it takes; living life without serving you is my worst fear.